And so it begins...

I have now lived in dorms for four days, and I think I'm finally homesick... it's not too bad if I'm just sitting at my computer, playing on the internet or watching a movie. Somehow nothing seems so bad once you just get lost in an alternative reality, whether it be a movie's life or just your own personal internet alias. Both seem to create that warm comforting illusion of home and carefree living, until the show is over or the five hours of looking at the same web pages no longer gives off that same satisfaction. What to do then? Nothing to lose myself in... perhaps once I get into my classes I'll have something new, perhaps not quite as warm or enjoyable though just as time consuming, to lose myself in. I keep hearing others say over and over, it's normal to feel that way or it'll pass soon and it won't be any different. Some even mention they had it for weeks, one even said for more than a month. Is this supposed to be comforting? Is it just me, or does hearing someone say they were crying for over a month just not sound as reassuring as intended? ... *sigh*... so, as the effects of leaving reality wear off and I come crashing back to earth, what now... in some sense, I feel ready for classes to get started so I can try to get into a schedule, the groove I'll follow for the next few months. But another part of me keeps fighting with time to try and force it to stop, or at least slow down. It's hard to believe in only three more days, I'll be starting my first college class. I'm not ready, or at least don't feel it. Everyone keeps telling me I'll do fine, but I still have to do it. I don't even know where my classes are yet... I'm too nervous to go inside the building; it feels like everyone there is just staring, glaring at this obvious fish who has no idea what's going on, all the eyes where ever I go just immediately drawn to this spectical. Or, on the flip side, if I even for the slightest bit have a general idea of what I'm doing or where I'm going, it's as if I'm completely invisible, just looking out onto a sea of strangers who don't even notice my presence. No matter what I do, I can't seem to fit in. ... I know it's only been a few days, but it is still my life I have to live. I sure hope I can make it to Thanksgiving... but that's so far away. Then again, it feels like only yesterday, my summer began.