Well, graduation was Thursday night. The event everyone waits for for years has come and gone. It's already the year 2006, and I now have a high school diploma sitting on my shelf. It's amazing to think about how much time and stuff has gone by and happened throughout my high school days, or my whole life for that matter. If anyone had told me four years ago exactly what classes I took, clubs I joined, and just all the experiences and changes I had up until now, I don't know if I would have believed them. I remember being an eighth grader and having to sign up for freshman year's classes. All the counselors kept stressing the importance of planning for the next four years, having strict plans so that you knew you got all your requirements done and got to fit in all that you wanted to do. I definitely followed their advice and had my next four years planned to a T. And yet, those plans changed so quickly. I don't think what I actually did follows my eighth grade plans at all, except maybe the part of taking advanced classes. The electives are much different. At the end of each year, I made new plans for the following years, but just as before, each year I was forced to adjust, sometimes majorly, my new plans. Sometimes I wonder, what would my life be like had I stuck with my original design? Is my life so much worse or better off for changing it? While I know I will always regret not doing some things offered to me, I hope that I can except that my choices were the best for me and have helped me become who I am today.
What does this have to do with graduating? I guess I'm just reflecting on everything I've done (these kind of events kind of force that upon you) and wondering if I could have done better. There were so many students with more tassels and cords and stoles showing off some of their accomplishments, making me wish I had done a little more. But would it have been worth it? I never wanted to join those specific clubs anyway. And how much difference does a $20 stole or $10 cord make that you wear for a few hours and that no one can really tell what club it means you were in anyway? That night, we also were announced the valedictorian and salutatorian of our school, Steve and Marina (both asian, and coincidentally, dating each other). The other students in the top 10 in rank also marched across first. I wasn't among them. I finished 19th out of 1005 students. For as long as I can remember, I have always strived to be in the top ten. Even in middle school I had friends joke around when a new smart kid moved in that I "had competition for being first". That mantra and all of my friends competitiveness and strong desires to remain there kind of impacted me and made me always want to better, and yet I only ever kept moving down in rank. If there's anything I could have changed my high school life, it would have been to not be so focused and geared towards high rank and just focus on doing my best and having fun. I would tell my freshman self to never go check my rank, just let it run its course and wait until senior year. I wasted too many thoughts and tears on something so pointless now that I'm done. *sigh* I guess I should be proud of being 19th, and I am, for sure, knowing how many students tried so hard and couldn't make top ten percent or even the top quarter. I should be proud because I worked my hardest and unless I had taken other classes, I did my best. And had I even taken classes that could have given me a higher grade and rank, I don't think I could have done as well as I did. It's just hard to know that Thursday night, walking across the stage, I was no different from number 99 despite being so close to the top. I was just another top ten percenter, not only a few spots from being top ten.
But it's all over now. I never have to go back to that awful high school again. I've walked across the stage and received my diploma. I've sat through hours of my peers doing the same. Now I only need to look forward to college in the fall, and four more years of schooling before I walk again. I don't think I'll be planning the next four years as strictly as I did back in eighth grade, but instead just try and live out each day at a time, not worrying about things that are not that important in the whole scope of things and not regretting the choices I make when things come my way. Here's to graduating with honors and starting anew in the fall.
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